A-haaaa... I think I see. Tough to suggest appropriate butt-kicking without seeing it, but tell me - what sort of rhythm and construction are you using in present tense? I find, if you have a distinctive flavour there, shifting it into past tense leaves you with the curse of 'was' etc.

Also, what are you doing in the way of sub-clauses for description? Assonance, simile, metaphor? Give us details, and we shall pore over them. Sling summat up if you like. ;D