I'm sorry to hear about the relative. That's always tough. ;(
But as a critiquer rather than as a sympathetic ear...
My biggest concern for the whole story is that it lacks an overarching plot. It feels more like a slice of life than a story. I think there are some tweaks that could be made to give it more a feeling of a story, but without those, I'll admit that it doesn't instantly engage me the way something that was more plot focused would.
The flashbacks (I think?), confused me a bit, too, although I suppose somewhat less than they would in a more plotted pieces.
There are bits that feel over-written. (Chunks, even.) As usual, the rule applies to go through the whole thing, ask if something is needed, and if not shorten/cut.
no subject
But as a critiquer rather than as a sympathetic ear...
My biggest concern for the whole story is that it lacks an overarching plot. It feels more like a slice of life than a story. I think there are some tweaks that could be made to give it more a feeling of a story, but without those, I'll admit that it doesn't instantly engage me the way something that was more plot focused would.
The flashbacks (I think?), confused me a bit, too, although I suppose somewhat less than they would in a more plotted pieces.
There are bits that feel over-written. (Chunks, even.) As usual, the rule applies to go through the whole thing, ask if something is needed, and if not shorten/cut.