Date: 2011-06-04 08:50 pm (UTC)
analect: Anna says "rawr". (Default)
From: [personal profile] analect
A-haaaa... I think I see. Tough to suggest appropriate butt-kicking without seeing it, but tell me - what sort of rhythm and construction are you using in present tense? I find, if you have a distinctive flavour there, shifting it into past tense leaves you with the curse of 'was' etc.

Also, what are you doing in the way of sub-clauses for description? Assonance, simile, metaphor? Give us details, and we shall pore over them. Sling summat up if you like. ;D
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The Writers' Lounge

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The Writers' Lounge is a friendly, informal chat, crit, discussion and resources group.

Have questions or want to discuss something? Fire away! Want some feedback on a piece of writing you're working on? Post it! Stuck with research, or found a fabulously useful resource others might benefit from? Step up and share!

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