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intothewood and analect.
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Have questions or want to discuss something? Fire away! Want some feedback on a piece of writing you're working on? Post it! Stuck with research, or found a fabulously useful resource others might benefit from? Step up and share!
We expect a level of maturity in our members, but we're open to all genres and levels of experience. Read full details on the comm profile or, if you need help, contact your friendly mods,
intothewood and analect._____________________________
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Date: 2011-09-02 05:01 pm (UTC)But as a critiquer rather than as a sympathetic ear...
My biggest concern for the whole story is that it lacks an overarching plot. It feels more like a slice of life than a story. I think there are some tweaks that could be made to give it more a feeling of a story, but without those, I'll admit that it doesn't instantly engage me the way something that was more plot focused would.
The flashbacks (I think?), confused me a bit, too, although I suppose somewhat less than they would in a more plotted pieces.
There are bits that feel over-written. (Chunks, even.) As usual, the rule applies to go through the whole thing, ask if something is needed, and if not shorten/cut.