The Writers' Lounge

Thanks. This is predominantly the issue here - I've never edited anyone who couldn't fight back, so to speak. ;)

I'd definitely agree about the over-writing, and to a point about it needing more of a plot. It's my feeling that it's the shying away from the mentions of medication and surgery etc. that leave the reader hanging. We don't see the inevitability that's meant to be there - that the narrator will become Phyllis. I suspect tuning that up may be somewhere to start and, like scarylady says, doing something about the 'and then we all wakeded up at home' ending.

I like the strength of the voice - that's there in pretty much everything she ever wrote - but I can't help feeling it's a bit overdone in much of this. Pruning shears ahoy!