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intothewood and analect.
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visualwit
Have questions or want to discuss something? Fire away! Want some feedback on a piece of writing you're working on? Post it! Stuck with research, or found a fabulously useful resource others might benefit from? Step up and share!
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intothewood and analect._____________________________
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Date: 2011-10-02 02:41 pm (UTC)I very much like the idea of following the line through over time... curious to know more, because that seems like a big jump between centuries, and promises a lovely sprawling epicness.
I actually squeed aloud at "the bees tipple drunkenly among the fragrant blooms" because it has such a lovely mouthfeel. Lovely rhythm through the whole scene, too, that suits the way you're eliding sensation and perception. Clever. A sort of rolling etherealness, if you will.
The second excerpt presents me with an interesting and absorbing scene - I rather like the way the POV and the crisper pace leaves the reader slightly alienated, though some of the name uses read a liiiiittle lumpy ("Rupert throws off Amadeo's hands" was the only massive stick-out, I think). It's the perennial he/his/him bugbear, isn't it?
Still, I like it very much. I like the inside/outside thing happening, too, and the wordless tension. It's taut, prickly... and very promising. Moar pls?